We’ve all been there. Swiping to look for matches at the Thanksgiving dinner table, yearning for someone to commiserate with at your office holiday party, and feeling like this might be the year where you don’t have to get a ticket to an overpriced and overhyped New Year’s Eve party. As we look toward the holidays and the new year ahead, we need to reassess what it is we want to bring with us into this new chapter, and of course, what we want to leave behind. Every December, we promise to cut back on alcohol and finally go to the gym. But no one resolves to stop dating emotionally unavailable people, or to text back someone who’s actually kind. Here are some things we should be focusing on.
- Reflecting before redownloading. I’m a huge proponent of the dating apps, and I always will be. But I do think it’s crucial to ask yourself what you can do differently this year when it comes to your dating app habits. Were you using the apps passively? Were you chasing excitement or emotional safety? Reflection is the underrated part of attraction because it helps you stop repeating the same stories.
- Choose energy over aesthetics. I hope we’re all aware by now that the guy with the curated Instagram profile is not going to treat you how you deserve to be treated. Throw away your checklist of what you require, and try to focus on how people make you feel when you’re dating.
- Learn the difference between vulnerability and oversharing. I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but you need to stop trauma dumping on the second date. Of course it’s important to get a little deeper, but there’s a way to do that without scaring someone off who doesn’t have an emotional attachment to you yet. Let people earn information about you, don’t just give it out freely. That’s what your therapist is for.
- Get comfortable with rejection. You’re going to get rejected time and time again because it’s only meant to work out with one person. The sooner we come to terms with that, the sooner we’ll be able to not take it personally. Rejection is redirection, and it’s your protection. The universe has your back and wouldn’t want you to be with someone who wasn’t completely and utterly in it.
- Date like you have a full life. We have a fun episode on this topic that is called “Date Like You Have a Boyfriend.” The gist is that we need to be dating less like our lives depend on it, and more like our lives are full and we’d be open to adding to them for the right person. The great love for you should always complement your life, not ever complete it.
The best “love resolution” isn’t about finding someone new. It’s about meeting yourself differently. The rest tends to follow. For more dating, couples, and relationship tips, you can also follow @wemetatacme on Instagram or listen to “We Met at Acme” wherever you find your podcasts.
